Does the doubt ever go away?

The doubt is setting in again. That I am not a natural mother.

I love E to bits and often find myself crying with how much I love him but this evening I have asked Mr B to take him for a walk so that I can have some time to myself. I feel bad. He has done nothing wrong, yes he has been a bit more whingey than normal these past few days but nothing to complain about. Certainly nothing compared to the 'old days'.

He is still smiling and playing, and being his usual charming, monkey self but for some reason I just needed a break.

I have tried to think about whether it's because I am tired? No. Have not been out of the house? No. Missing adult conversation? No. I don't know what it is but I know I needed it.

So rather than catching up on Twitter or Facebook which is what I normally tend to do when I catch a few minutes to myself (when E is asleep) I have decided to do something productive and actually write a blog post. I just don't seem to have had the words recently to write anything, and I haven't been making the time. If I am honest, I feel guilty about having time away from E.

Is this silly? I feel it shouldn't be silly, surely everyone is entitled to some time off but it's not like I am at work. Mr B is at work, 5 days a week, 9-5 and whilst he can't wait to see and play with E when he gets home in the evening, he is entitled to some time on his own too.

I just don't know what the balance is? When I mention to Mr B how I am feeling, he always jokes - well you go to work for me tomorrow and I'll go to the park etc. And to be completely honest I would love to swap for the day. To do something other than just be a Mum. It's not that he doesn't understand or isn't supportive. He couldn't be more supportive. If I arrange a day out at the weekend with a friend, he won't mind, and when you look back over the last few months it is me that has had more time with my friends, away from E than what he has (in my defence, I am just better at organising things than he is!).

I don't know what the solution is. In the next few months I will need to start doing some days of work in the week (who knows where that is coming from, but that is another post altogether) and that will give me time away. Then, I will probably be complaining about not seeing E enough, and focusing on all the things I am missing out on!

There really is no perfect solution is there? Am I over thinking things? Any advice? I can't be the only/first one to feel like this can I? If so, then I really am a crap Mum.

Silent Sunday

For Silent Sunday

Treasury Tuesday....Beautiful blues

Another week, another Treasury Tuesday.

This time the theme is blue and I have chosen to pick things just from the UK. I hope you like my choices. I am enjoying this weekly excuse to browse the internet ;) I just need to try really hard not to buy anything!

You can see some other blue themed treasuries at little red buttons.

Flowery 50's painte... StillLifefurni... $140.00	Blue Fingerless Cable M... KittyKatPurls $25.00	Pair of Poole Pottery T... AllysAntiques $33.00	scandi - screenprinted ... summersville $5.00
Sea Green See Blue Ipad... breagha $55.00	Vintage BINGO journal /... thepapergarden... $14.00	Hand Printed Carribean ... RusticCountryC... $35.00	Pride and Prejudice Boo... JezebelCharms $40.00
Sylvia... tiny wee croc... EmmaLamb $17.00	Porcelain Dish - 99-365... seaurchin $80.00	Blue Cotton Elephant TheHunnyBunnyC... $42.00	Retro Blue Swallows Pri... Philippinka $6.50

Treasury tool by Red Row Studio.

Silent Sunday

For Silent Sunday

Treasury Tuesday....Wonderful Wood

This Tuesday I am taking part in Abby's (little red buttons) Treasury Tuesday. We all know that I love an alliteration and I also quite like Etsy :) If you haven't heard of Etsy then where have you been? But, seriously it is a great website for finding unique handmade items. It is an International site with the majority of sellers being in the US but you can search just in the UK, however it's not usually a problem as most ship to the UK for reasonable rates.

A treasury is simply a personally selected group of items, favourites so to speak. The theme for this weeks 'Treasury Tuesday' is Wood, you could probably tell that from the pictures below, and I have decided to pick items under £30 (the prices below are displayed in $). You'll notice that some are for me, some for the home and some unsurprisingly for E. I hope you like my selection. x

SALE Walnut Scallop Bir... Joannarutter $32.30	Blue Arrow - Wooden Tri... lucie0ellen $11.00	organic Camera - natura... littlesaplingt... $25.00	SCOOP & SORT Colors Wo... applenamos $22.00
White Wooden Bracelet bhmakes $33.20	CHARLOTTE-Huge Wooden H... BlondeChick $29.00	Wood Toy Train Set Natu... greenbeantoys $35.00	GEEK recycled-wood sign WilliamDohman $42.00
Deer in the Forest - Wo... peppersprouts $25.00	5-piece organic SAFARI ... smilingtreetoy... $48.00	natural Elephant Teethi... littlesaplingt... $12.00	10 pc LOVE Guest Book P... BellaPuzzlesTo... $45.00
Letter E Wall Wooden Ha... OldNewAgain $32.00	1960s carved antelope Lilsparlour $8.00	Midcentury Danish Moder... BadCatBoutique $28.00	UNFRAMED 8x10 Sweet Ele... petitcollage $15.00

Treasury tool by Red Row Studio. 

Have you seen...? Jealous Sweets

When I saw the opportunity on Twitter pop up about reviewing some sweets I couldn't resist. What's more they were vegetarian sweets. The non veggies amongst you may be thinking "aren't all sweets vegetarian?", I certainly used to think so but no, many sweets contain pork gelatin. Tasty!

Now I'm not vegetarian but Mr B is so I have been on a steep learning curve about what is 'safe', you don't want to know how long it takes to do a supermarket shop constantly checking for the little green 'v' on everything you pick up. Anyway, back to the sweets...

I was sent a few sweets by the lovely 'Jealous' for me and Mr B to try. Jealous prides itself in sweets that are 'Irresistible, delectable sweets packaged in gorgeous gift boxes, made from only natural ingredients and suitable for those with specific dietary and ethical requirements'. Sounded good to me :)

They arrived in a bright pink box and before I could blink Mr B had swiped some to take to work. They certainly passed the look good test. He reported back that they were really nice. I also managed to rescue a few and they were nice. Very gummy and chewy. I saved the sour ones until last as they are normally my favourite. They were nice and slightly jelly baby-ish but I have to admit, not quite as sour as I like. Maybe it was because I only had a couple and couldn't properly build up the taste. They were however Mr B's favourite.

So in summary, we were impressed. Mr B especially said that it was good to remember what sweets tasted like after he worked out it had been at least 10 years since he had tried any! I did like them but have to admit that I may still be a Haribo girl - maybe I just like pork in my sweets?

I would however feel happier about giving these sweets to little E when he's older as a treat as they have no artificial colours or flavours and certainly tasted 'natural'. The packaging, yes I do judge a book by it's cover, is also very nice.

Why not take a look at their website and if you are near Selfridges pop in to the food court and pick up a box.

..........:..:..:..:.. Disclaimer: This is a review for which I got 'paid' for in a handful of sweets :) ..:..:..:..........

Silent Sunday

For Silent Sunday

[ . . 30 before 30 . . ] 19. Try an adult ballet class

When I was younger I used to do quite a lot of dancing, mainly modern and gymnastics. The two forms of dance I didn't do much longer than a couple of classes were tap and ballet.

I tried tap a few years ago which I quite enjoyed but life ended up taking over, so that just left me with ballet to try. I had never managed to find an adult class though and didn't fancy prancing around with a lot of 7 year olds in a leotard.

Luckily, I found a local adult class called ballet fusion and the website said: if you want the long, lean and toned look of the professional dancer then this is the class for you and it strengthens back and abdominal muscles and, most importantly, is highly enjoyable and fun so sounded perfect.

I am now on my 5th week and I can honestly say it is really, really hard! Not only am I using muscles I've never used (well not since I was 4!) but trying to memorise the routines the teacher seems to make up on the spot is near impossible! The first week was taken up with first school day nerves but everyone seemed nice so I went back, and again, and again. But, it doesn't seem to be getting any easier as the mini routines change every week. And without fail during the 'turns' section every week I nearly end up on the floor or hitting the wall as I attempt to gracefully travel from one corner of the room diagonally to the other whilst getting my feet in the right place, my arms looking dainty and keeping my eyes off the floor whilst spinning.

It is certainly making my legs stronger and I am enjoying the stretching element of it. I feel like a ballerina when I have my leg on the bar but I am sure I don't look like one. In fact I don't think I have ever felt less like a ballerina than when I am there.

The last two weeks I have struggled to get myself to go but I have had a quiet word with myself. My list (previously known as my 30 before 30 list) has been all about me pushing myself and my boundaries. Ballet is certainly doing that. I am not sure whether I am actually enjoying it but I am definitelay ticking it off the list. I am going to try and get to 10 weeks and then, falling nicely in line with our holiday, I will decide whether to go back. If nothing else, by then I will be the proud owner of some worn in ballet shoes ;)

[ . . Wonderful Week . . ] Oh, I do like to be beside the seaside...

Since little E arrived we haven't ventured very far, in fact we hadn't been out of the Midlands together as a family but this week that all changed.

Mr B's best friend has fairly recently moved down to Kent so we invited ourselves to stay were invited down for a long weekend. I have been craving the sea for a while now. It is the only real place I feel free and love breathing in the fresh air, looking out on to the vast sparkling water and hearing the relaxing waves.

It certainly didn't disappoint, which is surprising really as I had been so excited all week leading up to it, even the 6 hour journey down there couldn't dampen my spirits.

Mr B and I were very excited about it being E's first time seeing the sea and we were keen to go for a paddle. The weather was certainly on our side so off to Whitstable beach we went, gritted our teeth as we walked over the stones and in to the freezing cold clear sea. E obviously didn't know what was going on but was fascinated with the water, constantly moving and sparkling in the sun.

The following day we headed off to the south coast. We walked along Camber Sands with E in the baby carrier kicking away in his sun hat.

It was perfect. In fact, the time together we spent on Camber Sands beach was lovely, hearing all the children play, enjoying a good cup of English tea discussing how we could do it more often. Move to the seaside? Not really an option these days. Have a seaside holiday every year? Is that really enough. Rent a holiday home for 3 months a year? Now we're talking :)

So, after coming back down from cloud nine we made the long journey back home smiling that we had had our first family seaside break. We really can't wait for the next one now.

I'd love to hear your recommendations for baby family places to visit. x