Turning three!

So it is now a week since E turned 3! Our little baby is now a little boy.

I haven't had chance to post any photos on here since as we have been too busy celebrating. A Thomas the Tank Engine themed birthday party last Saturday (blogpost coming), a family meal and then topped off with a week away in Hunstanton (more about that soon!).

But it would be a shame not to mark the turning of 3 properly.

So on turning three, E loves:

• - trains
• - dancing (but only to 'Go, go Thomas' and 'Day of the Diesels')
• - making up songs ('Pizza pizza' and 'By Baby Bye')
• - making us laugh - he is such a comedian!
• - chattering away to himself when playing with his trains making up little stories
• - his best friend Mia from nursery
• - his Nana & Grandpa and Nannans and Grandad (always asking when we are going to see them)
• - helping Mummy (he is currently sat next to me on his 'laptop' typing away)
• - the colours blue and yellow
• - chocolate and beans on toast

The time has come...

So any regular readers out there will know that I was made redundant at about 6 months pregnant and have since done some bits and bobs but nothing long term. Well all that is changing. Today I accepted a full time job!!

Alarm Clock $48 from TheOppositeShop on Etsy

I am very excited, there have been a few mixed emotions in the journey to realisation that I would have to go back to work full time, but now I feel like I can genuinely start to get excited.

Due to the type of part-time jobs available and our finances we soon came to the realisation earlier this year that I would be going back to work full time. My first thought probably should have been to worry about E, but it wasn't. My first thought was oh no I've got to find a job. In the past I have never been too great in job interviews, and that was presuming that I would get past the CV stage so it wasn't something I was particularly relishing. But, I have actually loved the process! I started applying for jobs mid January, after finding a lot out there. This was the first suprise. But, I didn't hear anything, started to lose a little hope but then, all of a sudden things started moving. I was invited to two interviews in a week, with more leads coming in thick and fast. So, today, here I am having accepted a job that I was only interviewed for on Wednesday.

I am very proud of myself, and that isn't an easy thing for me to say. Historically I haven't been a particulary confident person and feel I have often had what confidence I may have had beaten out of me in various past roles. However, this time was completely different. I was like a different person. I had completely underestimated how much I have changed over the last 3 or so years. It has probably been the most 'developmental' time in my life and it seems to have made a difference. I was coming out with solid answers that even surprised myself and most importantly I enjoyed myself. It dawned on me as I was driving home from the last interview that the difference was that I was finally being myself.

And on to E, I have actually no worries about him. He's going to different grandparents two days a week, and have the other three days at nursery. He is going to LOVE it. He is very sociable and is learning so fast. The structure will be great for him (and us!). It means that when I am actually spending time with E I can concentrate on that and not be constantly feeling that I should be doing something else, squeezing in an extra task. He is going to be fine, yes I am going to miss him but I will be fine too.

So, it all sounds great in theory. In reality we will see.

So, have any of you working mums got any tips? How am I going to juggle working with all the house things, and being there for E? What should I try and squeeze in before I start work in 3 weeks? What am I going to miss the most?

Please help because I might still need a little bit of help being me! x

Moving to the dark side?

This must be one of the most debated topics of the mummy world but is a newish one for me. Breastfeeding versus formula bottle feeding.

And I am going to be honest straight from the start, we have now introduced formula, so I am no longer exclusively breast feeding. This has not been an easy decision but one we have arrived at finally this week.

I had exclusively breastfed from day one. From E first latching on in the hospital corridor (read more here) we have had a lot of ups and downs. The first few days and weeks were the worse. E would only feed if he was stripped to his nappy and had screamed at me constantly for a good 30 minutes. Even then he would latch on and off constantly, not releasing his grip on the off either! I was however lucky and got a lot of help. Probably the only positive thing about staying in hospital as long as I did. One lady, a feeding specialist actually stayed with me one morning for an hour and a half helping me try different feeding positions.

It was hard going with us both having to learn fast. We got there though and at his first weigh in he had only lost 4oz so we were obviously doing something right. But we were still struggling. The skin to skin we had introduced in hospital to combat the jaundice sleepiness continued to haunt us as he would only feed when I was half naked. Not too much of a problem when we were house bound but it became a bit of a hurdle when we wanted to start going out. We got past this hurdle too but I have never really embraced the breastfeeding in public thing. All my outings to date have been timed around feeds or logistically planned to ensure John Lewis' feeding room or the car is close by for feeding.

Despite the issues we have had I have always been very determined to keep breastfeeding and have worked around them all. Every midwife and health visitor that came to visit checked the latch and helped with feeds, I went to a Sure Start breastfeeding group. I really wanted E to have the best start possible. It has however gradually dawned on me that part of me not feeling myself and feeling constantly anxious is due in part to the breastfeeding. This has been something that is very hard to admit but the thought and suggestion that I could feed him in another way makes me physically stand taller, I feel lighter, I feel free.

This has been bubbling for a while and the last couple of weeks I have tried expressing in the hope to be able to have a few feeds 'off duty'. This seemed like a good solution until I actually came to try it. E is still feeding every 2 to 3 hours so squeezing in an extra feed to express is near impossible and expressing after a feed is difficult due to E's lack of day time sleeping and there generally not being enough milk.

It was however E's first bottle of expressed milk that finally clinched the deal.

He loved it!

Mr B gave it to him, he has been looking forward to feeding him for so long, and as I was preparing to leave the room (following all the advice I had read) E had already wolfed the first quarter down. There was no confusion, no hesitation. As far as he was concerned it was milk and he didn't care where it was coming from.

This was such a pleasant sight as in recent weeks E had been getting back to his old fussy ways of feeding and getting very aggravated. Latching on and pulling straight off again numerous times during a feed, hitting me, pulling my glasses off, kicking and screaming like crazy. Not a pleasant sight when you know your little boy is just hungry. I took it all very personally, he was acting like I was trying to poison him and I would often end up in tears. Suddenly there were a few alternatives.

I had bought some formula milk before he was born (I really never expected to succeed at all) but stocked up on some more at the weekend but was reluctant to give him any before seeing the health visitor this week for his weigh in. To be honest I was hoping for permission. But, I didn't get that, they are only there for advice apparently. Despite this he weighed in at 10lb 3oz which she was happy with and I left knowing I would introduce the first bottle of formula that night.

We did and it went well, despite the initial faff of sorting it out. He didn't hesitate. He didn't get angry. He didn't get as much wind as normal. He just drank it and fell straight to sleep.

Bliss.

So, here we are a couple of days later after two nights of formula feeding. He seems happy. I am getting there. So hopefully this is the future. I am not expecting the formula and combination feeding to solve everything but I do hope it is a step in the right direction.

I am still justifying the decision to myself and I think I will always feel a little guilty about 'giving up' but it is the right decision for us. I feel I have already given him the best start, we have bonded and he has had a lot of the goodness and antibodies already. I am proud that we got this far and that to date his growth has been down to solely me, but it is now time for a little help. We are gradually dropping a feed a day but I do hope to keep one breastfeed a day, whilst he still seems to want it and we both enjoy it.

Only time will tell.